Pope. Gay Scandal. Church. Oh noes!

Creeper Pope (Rvin88)

Italy's La Repubblica reports that Pope Benedict "Sith Lord Palpatine" XVI is quitting his position as head of the Catholic Church because of a gay sex scandal. One of the largest daily papers in Italy, La Repubblica has a center-left bent and is decidedly anti-Church. However, either the juiciness of the story or the trustworthiness of the paper is causing the story to spread across the globe.

The stories are unsourced reports saying that the scandal is contained in a secret 300-page dossier that has been nicknamed "Vatileaks." The dossier is a report by three cardinals Benedict tapped to investigate the leak of other secret papers from the Pope's desk last year. It allegedly contains information about widespread corruption within the Church. Included in this soup of corruption is a secret network of priests that engage in large-scale, same-sex orgies that they regularly hold in different locations. Apparently, the gay nymphomaniacs are being blackmailed by people outside the Church.

Wait. Isn't that every porn that ever happened?

Yes.

"Vatican spokesman Father Frederico Lombardi commented on the story, 'Let each one assume his or her own responsibilities. We shall not be following up on the observations that are made about this.' "

Sure. Let them police themselves. That's worked out really well over the years.